Babies Burn for Free!

The Burning Man organization announced today its new policy of granting a free ticket for life to any baby actually born on the playa during the burn.

"We felt we needed to honor and acknowledge any adventurous souls who chose to incorporate during the event," said Penelope Lightmaker, vice president of sustainable promotions with the org.

"We're going for it!" exclaimed Parsley, who said she gave up her last name as a social protest. "The moment the web site says that the man burns in 285 days, we're not leaving the bedroom." Parsley and her partner John Miller (who kept his last name as a social protest) hope to welcome their first child at the 2023 burn.

"We considered offering this to those who conceived at Burning Man," said Lightmaker, "but some simple math told us that we'd be losing a ton of money on that." Lightmaker also admitted that their requirement of pictures or it didn't happen wouldn't be met with enthusiasm by all participants, and many viewers as well.

For some parents, the new policy is a dream come true. "I've been wanting to bring my baby to Burning Man since before she was born," says new parent, Sparkle Rainbow. "Now that she can come for free, I have no excuse not to bring her."

As for the babies themselves, they seem to be taking it all in stride. "Gubbpththththt," said one tiny Burner, when asked for comment, following the statement with a projectile vomit and giggle.

"See?" said the baby's father, "fitting right in!"

In addition to the perpetual free ticket, the child will also receive a vehicle pass once they reach the age of 16.